29.12.2010

It feels like my entire head is about to explode and I can not seem to stop thinking about pie. Imagine a homemade apple pie. My mouth is watering! First thing tomorrow I am going to ask my mum to make me some pie. However, pie is not the only thing I am craving at the moment - I am also craving Pringles. I do not know why it must be Pringles specifically but I must have it. Tomorrow at the latest! I will have to ask my dad to buy some for me. It is ironic what cravings you can get when you have not really eaten for a couple of days.

28.12.2010

 

A picture that perfectly captures the essence of my parents. Probably pretty odd to write about them but without them I would be a nothingness. I would, first of all, not exist that is for sure. But secondly, without them raising me I would not have become the person I am today. You know how people say that they love their parents? I love mine above everything. My parents are not solely my providers of guidance but I consider them to be my friends. I spend a lot of times with them and I enjoy every minute that I am with them. The picture above is taken this summer, when the three of us visited London and Cardiff. It was a very amusing trip and I got to experience a lot of new things. Whilst a lot of my friends cannot wait until university, I am actually a little frightened to have to leave my parents. I truly love them, just as they are and the thought of moving out is a little sad. No matter how pathetic that might sound. Without my parents, even today, I would not be shit. They guide me, they listen to me, they help me out, they take care of me. They made me the person I am today. In every way possible. And I can not thank them enough, there are no words to describe how blessed I feel for having them as my parents. I love them more than words can describe.

28.12.2010

I spent yesterday throwing up, so I am feeling very queasy right now and therefore I have nothing to write about really. I just wanted to post this really good song, it is NEEDTOBREATHE with Something beautiful.

26.12.2010

Have you ever wondered what people think when they see your face? If they know how you feel or what you are thinking of? Of course they cannot, I mean, we all know that. But the thought of someone being able to spot that in you, I think it is baffling. Some people have the intiution to see when something is not right, but at the same time - I think we all do, we just choose not to. He was supposed to turn 19 on the 14th and it just makes me think, I am soon 19 too. How come I am still here when he is obviously not?

23.12.2010

For us swedes, Christmas is tomorrow. I would like to say that I am looking forward to it. But honestly? I am exhausted! On every level possible. Mentally and physically. School has been exhausting and my private my life has not been any easier. I am so incredibly tired of everything. To leave all of this, would be the best solution. I know it will not solve anything, but everything would be put on hold until I would find enough energy to handle it. Would not that just be great?
Now my room is pretty much cleaned up and I have to do some math. I still feely like my entire body has been turned inside out from the cruise, so I will probably just stay home tonight. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

In the end

I had to fall to lose it all
But in the end it doesn't even matter

18.12.2010

This weekend has been really slow. Yesterday there was a midwinter party for all IB-students and that was the highlight of my day. The rest of the night I spent with Marcus, doing nothing. Today I slept until 1 (how did that happen?!) and then Marcus came over, because I was supposed to help him with maths. I did not help much since he did not need my help and we ended up making pizza for dinner. Right now I am watching The Grinch and I do want a grinch-baby for christmas!

16.12.2010

Today is one of those days. One of those days when I cannot seem to miss you enough. Almost 6 years has passed and even though I would like to think that it gets easier but I just think you learn to live with it. You learn to ignore the pain and you just try to live. But it does not make a difference, because it is always present. It might not be obvious for everyone to see, but just because time passes it does not mean that the pain goes away. Ever.
You are not supposed to die at 13.

5.12.2010

Yesterday, me and Marcus went to the cinema to see "Due date". I did not expect much from it and it was not that good. Sometimes it was fun but most of the time, I was disappointed. Anyway, whilst I was in the mall I saw a pair of beautiful boots which I have been keeping my eyes on for a while. I will probably write about them instead of the movie, as they made my night much better.

3.12.2010

Thank God I have got you. You see, I have a best friend. His name is Marcus and he is the greatest support I have ever had. I got "dumped" yesterday (not really, as we were just dating but it still hurt) and he was here within 15 minutes after I had asked him to come. He is my ex, so the whole thing could be a little odd but he was amazing. Which is just what I need right now, because it feels like my world is falling apart at the moment. I need support from the people around me and I could not ask for more than what Marcus has given me. Without him, I would literally fall apart. He is the one I call when I am too drunk, when I can not sleep, when I walking home alone or when I am just too damn sad. He is the best and I love him.

2.12.2010

Today has been such a useless today. It is like my life has lost its meaning, I cannot seem to find any amusement in living. So I am trying my best to find little things that makes me happy for each and every day. Today I got called in to the centre for young girls, as one of the volunteers got sick. It will be my first time and I am really excited! That will most definitely make my day. Tomorrow we are going to the theatre, then there is a show in school and I am spending my evening with a guy I like. See? Small thing to take me through each and every day. Hopefully it will work out for me because I really cannot just surrender right now. There are so many things I need to do and even though I am totally lacking motivation, I am trying. But it is hard to do something when you cannot see the purpose. It is as if everything has lost its purpose and I am just trying to figure it out.

1.12.2010

1st of December. The International AIDS day. My uncle's prize was, once again - or as always, given to someone whom deserved it. And as usual, I could not be there. I had to work and it truly sucks. I wish he would be alive, I wish he would be here. For some reason I believe that if he would be alive, I would have someone to talk to. Someone whom would understand me and listen to me. To be frank, I feel lonely and confused right now. It is like my life is falling apart and I am just watching the pieces slipping out of my hands. Knowing that I am losing them but without actually having enough energy to care. Not enough energy to do something about it.