New American Classic

See the months they don't matter, it's the days I can't take 

When hours move to minutes and I'm seconds away

27.10.2010

Three days have felt like forever. Is this my life? Spending my days on the sofa? I am bored out of my mind but there is not much to do until I am well again. Although, the thought of spending my life like this is so incredibly scary. When my mum asked me what I wanted to after the IB, I realised that I knew. I want to volunteer. I want to do something with my life, and that something is to help others. I have thought about it but the moment that she asked me, I knew. Finally.

26.10.2010

When I am with you, I feel good. I thought that it would take time before I would feel secure with trusting you but as it has not, I have to admit that I feel a bit freaked out sometimes. When I am with you, I feel secure. However, that is what is freaking me out when I am walking home sometimes. When I am with you, I just want to stay there forever. But there is no such thing as forever, how can I know that this is the real deal? When I am with you, I know that you are the one I want to be with.

25.10.2010

I find it incredibly scary to think about the future. Being as well-planned as I am, makes it difficult though. I love planning but only to a certain extent, as beyond that it just gets scary. Like thinking about what I wanna do after I finish the IB. My initial plan is just to finish it. To actually make it out alive and with some good grades. Right now, christmas is even too far ahead to plan. Whether or not to buy a christmas gift to him, I mean, God knows where we will be by then. Hopefully where I want us to be but at the same time I do not want to risk it or "jinx it". So I am just going to let it be until the weekend before christmas because then I have to know whether or not to give him something. Right?

22.10.2010

As today (or now "yesterday" as it is now midnight), was the yes day according to facebook. Yes I am firm believer in facebook, so I decided to stay positive all day long and it actually resulted in a wonderful evening! After school, I went to the mall with my friend Naida and we took a cup of coffee (or, she took icelatte and I took a chailatte) and then we went looking for clothes. We found nothing but it was a pleasant trip anyway. On my way to dinner with the guy I have been mentioning, my friend Aida called and she told me that the coat I had been longing for - was now in store! So tomorrow, as I have the day off, I am going in to town and I am going to get it. However, back to the dinner. It was so cozy! The restaurant was lovely, the food was really good and the company was very nice. We sat there for 2.5 hours and I had such a nice time. I did not ever want to leave. When I got back home, my friend Maria came over and we decided to watch Narnia. However, we did not finish it as we both were too tired after exam week. Now I am going to get cozy under my duvet and watch Cougar town and Modern family, cannot wait for my three day weekend.

#2

I have a lot on my mind and my plate right now. I am trying to figure out if I am doing the right thing for myself right now whilst trying to keep up with school and everything else that is going on in my life. I am tired of getting hurt, tired of failing and tired of feeling worthless. Above all, I am tired of doing everything I do for someone else and finding it incredible hard to actually do something for me. Seems like whenever I do, things just do not go my way. I really hope that things go my way this time.

20.10.2010

Yuck. I should really study Environmental System & Societes. The problem is that I have read the two books once and almost fell asleep. I refuse to study more, it is impossible. However, today was the day where one was supposed to wear people to commemorate the guys whom committed suicide due to homophobia. It is truly sad that something like that should happen and as I am against any kind of homophobia, I decided to commemorate all I could and I wore my purple Keds. I also got a haircut and I am very satisfied with it. My Psychology exam probably went good, better than the upcoming exams that is for sure. Tonight I have to work and then I am meeting up with a friend, because she is leaving for Australia on friday.

19.10.2010

And so exam week has begun. Swedish probably went better than expected but maths did not and that is for sure! Our teacher had told us to study calculus (but not integrals) and logarithms. We got an exam with only calculus and a lot of integrals. Failure. When I was walking home it was raining and not above +2 degree Celsius, oh so cozy. Today I have to revise psychology and then work at 7, I will try to sleep early as tomorrow will be a loooong day. I have to do my exam in psychology, study for my last two exams, go to my hairdresser, do some CAS, study even more, go to work and then go to bed. Now I am watching "The ugly truth" to relax before I need to start studying again.

#2

Today I erased you. Out of my thoughts and out of my life. The ring, the necklace and the earrings you gave me are all in the trash. Where they belong. Where you belong, if I only could throw you in the trash - believe you me, I would. I have reached a point in my life where I need to decide what kind of people I want in my life and you are certainly not one of them. As Shakespeare wrote (in Macbeth) "There's no art to find the mind's construction in the face". I could not agree with him more, as I had no idea what a horrible person you would turn out to be.
You disgust me.

18.10.2010

Today I have a day off from school and thank God for that. Exam week, for the midterms, starts tomorrow and that means that I will have 5 exams during a period of 3 days. Right now I am trying to study maths, calculus and logarithms whilst watching Sex and the city 2. It is going better than it did yesterday but I really hope I will manage to score a good grade on my exams tomorrow. In the morning, I have Swe A1 HL and after lunch I have Maths SL. I need to kick some serious ass this week, for the sake of my self esteem.

17.10.2010

After bowling last night, the guy I have mentioned, came over. We ate apple pie with my parents and drank tea, a cozy ending to a pleasant day. After that, we watched "Interview with the vampire" but honestly I did not find it amusing. It was brutal and pretty disgusting from time to time. However, as the company was nice I did not mind that I was not paying attention to the movie. His scent hypnotized me and I wished for the laws of physics to disappear so that we could get closer than physically possible. 

#2

Today has been a really good day. It started out pretty weird, since I woke up at 06.20 and had no idea where I was or why I had slept with my clothes on. Turned out I had crashed at this guy's house without realising it but it was fine. My dad picked me up around noon and I went home and got ready. My friend Aida arrived around 2 and we began to study English and then psychology. It went really fine, we summarized all we needed to know for psychology in a powerpoint presentation and posted it on managebac. That way, everyone in our psychology can see it. After we had studied, she helped me with cleaning my room and we just talked and talked for like 2 hours. It felt so nice to have someone to talk to and I have not seen her outside of school for a while neither, so I had a blast! Then we went bowling with our mothers and even though I lost, I had a great evening. Now I am waiting for the same guy I woke up at, we are going to eat apple pie with my family and then we are going down to the water.

16.10.2010

The feeling of waking up next to someone you like. Knowing that even though you just woke up, he will still think you look beautiful. Being able to get really close to him and then falling asleep again, breathing in his scent. The feeling of security and happiness combined, all due to that you are next to him. It is pretty amazing what kind of impact a person can have on you, without doing anything. Wonderful.

14.10.2010

Today was not a good day. I was grumpy all day and then, when trying to talk to one of my best friends, we got in to a big fight. I have never ever seen him that mad! It was actually kind of scary. So that ruined my bad day even more. Lovely. I spent hours doing maths; logarithms and then I had to get to work. Now I am doing maths again, but calculus this time (even worse). Today is really not my day.

13.10.2010

I get stressed because I am not stressing. I know it is ridicilious but since I am so used to always stressing and being stressed, whenever I am not - I get stressed. As a person I have a hard time to relax, so being in the DP2 without being stressed does not really help. However, I have no reason to stress right now. I just finished my psychology paper and my ToK-presentation for tomorrow is completed. I do not really have anything in particular to write about today, did not happen much in school and my brain is empty from pure exhaustion.

12.10.2010

I started this blog so that I could, first of all, post my photos for a photo project I am trying out. The point with the project is to put my interpretation of lines from songs that I like, into pictures. Since I am attending the last year of the IB, that will be my final creativity project. Secondly, I wanted to have a place where I could post my thoughts and thirdly, I promised my friend Austin to create a blog and post his funny comments. Therefore, there will be three different directions of my blog. My photos, my thoughts and Austin's funny comments. I hope you enjoy it.